An ADD Girl Guide To Moving

It’s moving time! That glorious moment when a major shift or upheaval comes to pass and visions of U-Hauls and packing tape dance in our heads. As a Military spouse and together with my wife for going on 6 years, I have never PCS’ed before, but as a 2nd Generation ADD person, I am quite familiar with moving often, but usually with no discernible vision. The Military family moves for a purpose. The ADD family moves for the “Adventure” and “Character Building” experience.

Here’s My Step By Step Handy Guide to Moving the “ADD/ADHD Way”:

Step 1: Get Rid of all your boxes 4 weeks before the move while cleaning out your storage.

shipping-boxes-meme

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why ruin the moment of accomplishment that is so few and far between with details like boxes? Then call all your friends in desperation for boxes or drive by the back sides of Department stores like a thief casing a joint V E R Y S L O W L Y.

Step 2: Pack your kids medical records, address and keys to the new place first.

Get it out of the way. Make sure you mark this as VERY IMPORTANT STUFF!! In Red Marker. Hide it at the bottom of your garage floor and forget about it as you accumulate newer and MORE IMPORTANT STUFF that will eclipse your VERY IMPORTANT STUFF!! Make sure you write everything in Red Marker (because everything is important right?) It’s like a game of hide and seek with your sanity every time!

image

Step 3: 3 weeks before moving, pack all your towels, dishes, medicine cabinet, kitchen utensils, and cleaning supplies.

 

alpaca

You want to make sure they are wrapped carefully and securely, using old divorce papers and electricity shut off notices for nesting material. Don’t worry that you are still 3 weeks away from moving. You are getting on top of this right now! Ahead of the game and that’s why they pay you the big bucks right?

Step 4: Wait till a major holiday to decide on a moving day.

Everyone has that day off. There is nothing your friends would rather do on their few down time days than help you finish packing the dishes and towels and medicine cabinet box that has been unpacked and re-packed so many times, it now resembles an autopsy held together with bread ties and Sponge Bob band-aids, to move you away. You will be impressed at how fast your friends will expeditiously pack .

Step 5: Call and arrange for your moving truck ON moving day.

 

Act shocked when they have no available trucks until 8 p.m. and they up sell you their King Size Fleet Truck going one way . Not only will all your stuff fit into the cab of the truck, but you ponder if you could just drive your car into the back of the truck like Night Ryder and save yourself some gas money! (If ONLY you could open the doors after driving up the ramp)

Good Ol' Fashion Lesbian U Haul!
Good Ol’ Fashion Lesbian U Haul!

Step 6: Ply all your friends with Bagels and Coffee and have them help Unpack your cleaning supplies you packed along with the pot holders 3 weeks ago.

Their eye rolling is really a universal sign that they are going to miss your antics much more than you realize. Your shenanigans gave them purpose. Go easy on them.

light on fire instead of move ecard

When they ask “So where do you want the couch to go?” Direct them by using your head in a gesticulating motion that resembles an interpretive dance of flight of the bumblebee. This sends them to the third floor first and their chiropractor after.

Step 7: No ADD Move would be complete without animals.

hangry fish
hangry fish

After you are loaded up, put the Goldfish wedged in between the vacuum and trash cans. Drive 3 blocks while watching them surf back and forth in the tank like the Big Kahunas they are! Then get the brilliant idea to put Reynolds wrap over the top of the tank to keep the Carny Goldfish from getting to know the Goldfish crackers in the backseat and breeding.

Congratulations! You have arrived at your destination and are ready to unpack and settle into your new life! You could go the traditional route and unpack room by room, while planning where all the Pinterest inspired wall art is going to go. But that wouldn’t be the ADD Way. Get a puppy immediately to “help” you unpack. Those lease agreements provide the perfect potty pads.

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